I was laying on the fold out hospital bed this morning (more about that to follow). Tova was still sleeping in the cot next to me. It took me a while to wake up, I spent the first 20 mins just staring at the ceiling, which isn't as boring as it sounds because I was in the children's ward, where the ceilings are painted with all sorts of cartoon characters. I was staring at stars and a space man.

Tova was still sleeping so I turned on facebook on my phone. My phone with Vodafone has such bad reception in the hospital, in ER there is no reception at all, which is really annoying because in an emergency I usually have so much to organise, like canceling appointments and telling family what is going on. So, I was trying to load facebook, which was taking ages, I could read the grayed out status from one of the mums who was in Austria with us (Lucy's mum from Ireland, whom is continuously in my thoughts). The stupid reception wouldn't let the page load properly for about 5 mins. All I could read was something like "I am so sorry to hear about our friend all the way on the other side of the world, poor Ollie".

I was getting really annoyed and scared. Finally the page loaded. I am so devastated to write that Little Ollie from New Zealand, who was in our weaning group at Graz, has passed away. OMG, I can't believe it. It feels very surreal to write about him in the past tense, but he really was adorable and treasured. His 3rd birthday is coming up very soon, I remember that he had his birthday in Graz. Wow, the family must be torn in all sorts of horrific and traumatic ways. My heart goes out to them. I am so sorry to hear this news. He had a lung infection and just couldn't fight it. Unbelievable.

So, I was laying there reading this, while next to me was my little Tova back in hospital for the 3rd or 4th time since Saturday now diagnosed with Asthma, Croup and a LUNG INFECTION! wow. 3 things that can be fatal to our fragile/strong babies. wow.

When she woke up this morning I hugged her just that little bit tighter. Actually we were rolling around and playing in my fold out 'bed', until a nurse came in and busted us. Time for Obs.

We were sent home on Sunday from hospital. Tova wasn't breathing quite right and I kept thinking to myself that if she was like this and we hadn't been to hospital yet, I would be rushing down there for sure. But they had said that there was nothing else they could do for her and that home was the best place for her. Not sure why I fall for that every time, but I do. Even though I knew something wasn't right, I was happy to go home because they weren't doing anything different to what I would be doing at home.

Monday morning we went to the GP, she sent us home, then in the afternoon we (Yuval and I) called the ambulance. They came, looked at Tova, took her temp (over 38), were concerned and wooshed Tova and I off to the hospital around the corner. The Ambo guys were so amazing, what lovely compassionate people! I am really touched by their kindness.

We spent the next many hours in the Emergency Department. Tova was observed. Eventually we decided that it was safe to go home. But still I wasn't sure, but I didn't know why, other than Tova breathing short fast breaths, I couldn't explain it. The Doctors couldn't hear anything on her lungs and she wasn't croup breathing nor was there any wheeze. They did say we could stay there for a few more hours or even the night if we didn't feel comfortable going home. They told me that the ward had no beds even if we wanted to go up there we couldn't. The ER was so busy with families coming and going and the waiting room had plenty more waiting to get in. I haven't noticed it being that busy before.

Home we went.

Tuesday Tova was still vacant and exhausted. But I wasn't sure what to do because the doctors had told me Tova was fine. hmmm. So Tuesday night Tova wanted to go to bed early even though she had spent much of the day sleeping. She woke at about midnight coughing, choking, croup breathing and wheezing a little. Yuvie and I gave her panadol and ventolin. Eventually she settled enough to sleep, she was still breathing with difficultly, but again, I was confused.

At 3.30am ish, she woke again, this time Yuvie was very worried and called the Ambulance. They came very quickly. They were quite/very worried and gave Tova a ventolin neb, took her temp and other obs and again Tova and I were whooshed away to the hospital around the corner. We were put in the bed in ER that is closest to the doctors/nurses station (this is the spot where we often end up, when we are in this bed, I know it is bad). Tova was given the good old Adrenalin that works quick. I think they gave her more pred too. Tova's breathing responded really well to the Adrenalin. It was the first time since Saturday that I had seen her breath almost easy. She was also put on humidified 02, which helped her lots!

Sometime, many hours after we go to ER, Tova had a chest xray, she has a lung infection. She was quickly put on Antibiotics. I mentioned to them that an IV would distress her much more than the Oral medicine, because finding a vain in Tova is almost impossible, it would distress her so much. I was pleased that they didn't feel that they HAD to do IV. I also convinced them not to put the tapes on her face for the 02prongs, that stuff is so hard to get off without causing Tova pain. So, that was good.

We spent the night and this morning in Hospital. Tova was breathing so much better this morning, pretty much like normal, with the occasional cough. But not a croup cough, just a normal sick person cough. Yuval and I decided as Tova was so much improved, it was best to take her home because of all the sick people in the hospital (we didn't want Tova to catch anything more).

I am hoping so much that this is the end of it. I almost know it is. Her breathing is almost perfect now, not like the past few days. I can't believe I came home with her breathing like she was over the past few days. I should have never left the hospital on Sunday. The doctors told me that they didn't pick up on it because when the listened to her chest there was no noise, usually with a chest infection they can hear noise. There was no indication that she needed an xray. I don't know, she was clearly struggling to breath, something was clearly wrong. I just don't know why I didn't question it more. I guess I didn't know the questions to ask. NOW I DO! If it happens again I will know what to ask for.

Nissim came in on Wednesday morning with Yuval (before Yuval went to work and before my mum went to pick Nissim up). Nissim was a little concerned about Tova and the hospital. But was a good boy. He just kept telling Yuval that he and Nissim should now go to Nissim's house. He also recommended that it would be best for Tova and Ima to come home too, but was ok when I told him that Tova and Ima had to stay for a little longer.

He has been at mums and creche, he will go to mums again tonight and home tomorrow evening. Mum's are great. I miss Nissim loads, but I need to get some rest tonight before my eyes fall out of my head.

Tova has gone off her food and hasn't really eaten much since Saturday. I would be scared to weigh her. However, when we arrived in the hospital on Saturday they weighed her. She was 10.8something.  Wow, almost 11kg!

OH, also, one of the doctors (Dr Debbie from King David, I know this because she pronounced Tova's name correctly, my first reaction was "oh, you are Jewish", she thought that was funny, I said I knew because she didn't say toe-va). Anyways, this doctor said that one of the reasons Tova may get Croup so often is because when she was intubated as a baby for so many months, it possibly left scaring (oh my poor baby suffered so much back then). When there are scars on the upper airways, it can contribute to the frequency and symptoms of croup. Interesting.

We will miss you Ollie, you will always live on in our memories you precious little man!