The Tovington Post

Tova having fun at Future Footprints in Adelaide.

We are here in Adelaide again for CE therapy! I feel bad that it's taken me a year to update the blog. I'm going to try and blog here once a month, wish me luck. < br /> Again, we are staying at the same place as each year and again, Tova and I did the big drive up here. Of course google lied and told us it would take 8.5 hours.. No, no, no, such lies. It took us 12 long hours. Next year I’m breaking it up and sleeping somewhere halfway. It’s too hard to do that drive in one day by myself.

We used to stop at Kaniva for the night, but Tova was like a little satan to spend the night with, not sleeping, climbing in and out of every bed, trying to get into the bathroom to stand in the toilet or what not. Such pleasures. But I think that I’ll just set her up with movies all night and put a bed over the bathroom door, or chair, or anything to block it and try and sleep myself. It doesn’t matter how tired she is the next day, it matters how tired I AM! The kids and I will fly home in a few days and Yuval will do the drive home. He can at least stop the car and have a sleep as he will be alone. I can’t do that with a Tova in the car. I M P O S S I B L E.

I think Tova is having fun at Future Footprints. She’s not so stressed about going there each day, she does ask to stay home lots and does ask to be on holidays, but she also kicks me out of the door when we get there.

The boys arrived about a week ago, so we’ve all been together. Lots of beach and Dolphin time, lot of relaxing and enjoying the Tropical Adelaide heat.

Adelaide again. I love Adelaide!
Tova is of course Amazing. However, this year she refuses to go to the beach at all. We've been here for a week and yesterday I had to bribe her with "Let's go see if Andre Rieu is at the beach", just to get her to even think about it. She knew I was tricking but reluctantly played along.

I got our annual feet in the water image and then she demanded we go back to the ‘Adelaide House’.

I still just can't get my head around why it takes me over 11 hours to drive from Melbs to Ads. I left at 6am and got here at 5 or 6ish. I don't get it. We didn't drive too slow and we didn't stop so many times.

The drive was ok, long, but ok. It's worth it to have my car with me and all my stuff, so much stuff. We bring everything, almost even the kitchen sink.

Both kids in the house are 8 years old for the next few days.
Nissim got lots of Lego and a bunch of stuff from Lush

It's been ages between posts. I've thought about posting lots of times. But just can't find the time. I don't even have time now. Here is a little outline of what's been happening:

Tova and I have been going to Adelaide for the day each month so she can do 4 hours of CE Therapy.
No one has been especially sick nor been to hospital for Croup
Nissim and I went to Tassi for about 3 days a week or so ago. It was my first time in about 7 years to spend a night away from Tova. It was strage and I had nightmares on the first night; I'd lost her, left her, forgotten her, abandoned her and everything in between. In my waking moments, I was 100% fine.

Happy Birthday Nizzo

I just met you, and actually we have shared about 4 minutes of time together. You mention something about your children. I say I've got kids too. You mention the school your kids attend. I mention mine. I get a curious look about both the schools my kids attend, so I explain that one attends a tiny private school in the South East and the other attends a special needs school in the other direction. Immediately you tell me how amazing I am. I am offended even faster.

I get it, I want to change it!

According to the way our society conditions us, special needs / disabilities are bad.

What I hear when you tell me how amazing I am as a parent without knowing anything at all about me (I mean seriously, I could be the worst parent in the world, being a parent of a special needs child doesn’t qualify me to be a fantastic parent at all), I hear that you think my child couldn’t be loved. Or that YOU couldn’t love a child with any additional needs. HOLD ON! Have a think about what you just said. Why would you say this to me? You think my child is horrible and I’m incredible for loving her? It’s just a STUPID, such a stupid thing to say.

There are more things similar about us than there are different.

You love your children, I love mine

You love your children no matter what, I love my children no matter what. Both my kids are different to each other, both have different likes, wants, talents and personalities, I bet yours do too. See, we are the same.

We probably have some different challenges, but that’s ok. Everyone has something going on in their lives, we can’t change that. Would I tell Cerebral Palsy to fu*k off if I could, YES, I bloody would. But it wouldn’t change my parenting skills, it wouldn’t change my love for my children. It would just mean she didn't have CP.

Stop telling me I’m a fantastic parent because I have a child with special needs. It’s stupid and confusing. Not to mention RUDE.
You don’t know anything about my parenting skills. What if I am in actual fact a terrible mother? You can’t know anything about me in 4 minutes of conversation about the schools my kids go to. You are offending me.

I don’t need your approval. I don’t need you to tell me anything about my parenting skills, I’m not telling you anything about yours, how could I, we just met. I don’t know what you do behind closed doors, what if you beat your children or are abusive in other ways? How could I possibly know that about you in 4 minutes of conversation, how could you know anything about me?

I adore my kids, both of them. They fulfil me, don’t yours do that? Isn’t that just how it is for parents? how is that any different to you?

Please think before you speak. Special needs parents are JUST PARENTS

I spend most of my time being happy. Don't you?

I don't spend my entire day feeling down and unfortunate that I got some bad deal or something. OMFG. I feel fantastic. I really, really, really love my wonderful family. Don't you love yours the same?

My child with special needs is just as loveable as yours without and it's so completely disgraceful that you'd think otherwise.

Next time you meet a parent of a child with special needs, behave the same as you would meeting any parent of any child.

I know you aren't trying to offend me, but you do!

It's interesting. A few years ago, this happened to me too, an acquaintance said to me how wonderful a parent I am, and I kept wondering what they'd heard about me from other mutual friends, it was confusing, but I thought she must have some knowledge about me that was positive. It did make me feel uneasy though.
It took me months and months to figure it out. She was only saying that I was a great parent to me because she feels that she couldn't love a child with any additional needs, so I must be a hero. YEP, that’s me.. a hero for loving my child.. makes sense.