Where to start?

The last two blogs were about Croup and overnight hospital stays. So, after the last Croup overnight stay we were back in Emergency one week later (just over a week ago).

They kept us in from about 4pm until 2am, sending us home diagnosed with Asthma and with an Asthma plan. I wasn't convinced. But went home as they weren't doing anything I couldn't do at home. Something inside me was saying that they SHOULD be doing more, but they weren't. They were full and busy and for some reason we weren't on the priority list.

That must have been Sunday the 27th of Feb. We spent the 28th watching Tova struggle with breathing and even took her to the GP whom told us that we should persevere with Ventolin oh and the Pred that I had given her (I keep some in the fridge in case). I still wasn't convinced as I could see how different Tova was breathing to normal. I just didn't know how to explain that to the doctors, whom must have thought she was always a little bit bad or something. I don't know. I don't understand why they couldn't see what I was seeing.

The 1st of Feb I took Tova to the GP again, early in the morning. I was worried. She had gotten worse. The GP sent us to the hospital. I asked if I should get the ambulance. He said no. In retrospect, I think I should have called one. The drive there was torture. I am quite shaken up about it. It was scary having such a sick Tova relying on me and traffic to save her life.

Once we got to Monash (from Elwood) we were rushed through and Tova was immediately hooked up to a bunch of machines, given a drip and loads of drugs. The doctors looked worried.

I knew something was terribly wrong when the doctors didn't leave her side for over 2 hours...

PICU was called down as she wasn't improving and they mentioned to me that if she didn't start to improve they had ways of making her more comfortable... I freaked out (in my mind, trying to hold it together on the outside) as I knew they were thinking of intubating her.. The doctor said they would try CPAP if after the last drug they could try didn't work.

The highest I noticed her heart rate was 207. It could have been higher, but 207 is what I noticed and then decided not to look at the monitor again.

She improved ever so slightly, but just enough.

Once Tova started to give me a weary smile about 3 or 4 hours later they only checked her every half an hour then each hour and then eventually we were moved upstairs. To the ward, not PICU!

We stayed for quite a scary week and came home yesterday.

Tova had RSV, Parainfluenza (which caused Asthma) and an ear infection. She didn't eat for about 3-4 days, but made up for it once she started eating again properly on the 5th day. They suspect that it hit her so hard because she was still a bit low from the severe croup (Which almost sent her to PICU the week before).

The first 5 days Tova didn't move. Literally! She was floppy and just wanted to lay still. We put lots of movies on her dvd player for her and I sat there 24 hours a day waiting for our princess to come back to us. Which, by the grace of god, she did..

What a will to breath and live! I am completely blown away by her strength and determination. She is the strongest person I know. Poor Yuval still had to go to work and look after Nissim and the house. The cats tried to make him feel better by offering him 2 mice a night.

We all found it very upsetting to see Tova so listless. She didn't even want to be cuddled. I wish I had been stronger on the first night and told them to keep her in for the night. I feel terrible that she had to suffer so much before something was done. Our little princess.

The doctors say that she may or may not get Asthma without a virus, but they suspect that when she gets sick, that is when she will get Asthma.

She lost weight. All our hard work gone so quickly. We are below 9kg again. I think when they weighed her the other day with her nappy and clothes on she was 8.8kg. I will weigh her soon at home to keep it consistent on the same scales. I am scared to know. She is just so tiny. But yes, she is eating like a pig again. So, hopefully she won't take too long to put it back on and then some more. Please.

Nissim was passed around grandparents (and with Uv of course) for the week. And seems to be as happy as ever. He is lovely. Such a good boy.

So, I am a little torn up inside from the past month of sickness and will never find Hospital easy. It is one of the most horrible and depressing places, yet a place that fixes my babies. It makes my mind messy.

We are now a little paranoid every time Tova breaths a little different and are looking forward to life getting back to normal and me having nothing much to blog about. Other than how fat Tova is getting.

And to top it off, I finally got to the hairdresser today and am now wearing a hat. I am not in the right frame of mind to deal with such a travesty. And to think I was so excited about getting the chance to get my hair done..